I’m laying in bed under about 30 pounds of covers feeling guilty because Kosta has been up working for at least two hours. Kitty’s curled up at my feet. The fan is blowing on what we call “Hurricane level 2”. I don’t really have to get up yet. I have time to accomplish everything I want to today. Plus I’m working late tonight.
I get a text message from one of my closest friends at 7:24 am. Megan Meehan: “You don’t update your blog enough.”
Now I feel guilty enough to get out of bed.
It’s not that I don’t blog often because there isn’t anything to blog about. I have a sticky note on my computer titled, “things to blog” that is growing ferociously. I guess I’m just not sure about my voice. I’m not sure about what I want to share or what I want to be out on the web. I do know that I don’t want to just slap up some wedding photos on the web and say here ya go. My business and my relationships mean more to me than that. Good writers always have a purpose to what they write. I don’t really consider myself a writer let alone a good writer. So I worry, what if I don’t project who I really am? What if the things I want to say don’t come out right?
I’m a perfectionist.
Megan will probably laugh reading this because I’ve butchered a Whitney Houston song at the top of my lungs in her car and I’ve cried on the couch beside her watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition while the man from the gas company explained the leak in our basement and eyed me kind of strangely. I’ve cart-wheeled down a deserted beach with her because I was kind of having a lousy day. My cart wheels are nothing close to vertical. I think I just like being the center of attention when no one is really paying attention.
When I was 11 my family moved from Pennsylvania to Oregon. In our new neighborhood there was a group of kids about my age who played roller hockey in the cul-de-sac. I was such a tomboy. But I had never roller bladed. Or held a hockey stick. So my little brother Kevin and I got roller blades and practiced skating in our garage with the garage door closed for hours. Maybe days. Until we were confident enough to go join the other kids.
We did great. I ended up with a mean slap shot (for an 11 year old girl) and Kevin was really fast. Sure, I overlooked a few minor things.. I was always considerably better at crossing over with my right skate than my left because I never thought to turn around and go the OTHER direction in circles in my garage. But when I got out there and had to skate the other direction.. I was fine. And I learned a lot faster out in the streets than I ever would have holed up in my garage.
Sometimes we practice and plan so much instead of just getting out there and doing it. I know my blogging will improve the more I do it. And the only way to find my voice is to try it out. Fortunately I’m not so obsessed with perfection any more that I have unpublished blog posts stashed away in my garage.
With that I will end with one of my favorite quotes that I sure need to practice more, “Use what talent you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best.” -Henry Van Dyke
And a few of my favorite people on this planet. Thanks to the University of Delaware:
From left to right, Me, Marisa, Danielle, Megan & Cindy